


the less i know the better

by duckieclub



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, idolverse, just sad, markhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckieclub/pseuds/duckieclub
Summary: i was doing fine without you.. ‘til i saw your eyes, turn away from mine.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	the less i know the better

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first ao3 fic so i don’t really know how this works fksjdkhs- i do read a lot from here, it’s just that i never actually wrote, but now here i am.. anyway!! please be nice i’m not the best at writing ;-; also, the title is a song! (and it’s a good one too) ok bye

Mark fucked up. Mark definitely fucked up.

It was the timing, _ the very bad timing. _ He still remembers how Donghyuck confessed to him back in 2018. It was after a long week filled with promotions for We Go Up. Donghyuck barged into his room while he was peacefully playing his guitar. The confession didn’t go so well, because Mark ended up just sitting there, not accepting _ nor _ rejecting his best friend’s feelings. Donghyuck came running back to his room to cry for the rest of the night and Johnny had to comfort him while Mark sat in silence trying to analyze what just happened. Thing is, Mark was playing  _ their  _ song on his guitar the moment Hyuck walked in. The lyrics went like “I can try, tomorrow, if i do it together with you..”

Mark doesn’t even know why he was playing that song, or why he didn’t say anything at all when his best friend just spilled all the things he’s kept inside for the past 2 years. Maybe he just felt shocked. Mostly because he just thinks Hyuck treats everyone the same way.

It was really awkward after that, but they decided that it was probably better to act like it never happened. They never talked about it again.

It was during Superhuman era when Mark was the one who started feeling things. He kept denying it and he was doing a good job at that, but when Kick it era started he just couldn’t run from it anymore. “So the tables have turned,” Jeno points out. And it’s true, but the world was punishing him because Donghyuck was obviously still trying to keep his distance. 

He stopped pushing Hyuck away, and even had this new expression on his face whenever he looked at him. Kick it and Punch were just filled with him trying to gain his trust back. He missed talking to him about the silliest things, or having these little jam sessions with nothing but Hyuck’s voice and his guitar. He was just trying to fix what they had between them, at the same time, hoping that he still feels the same way.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t. 

But Mark doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know. He just kept it to himself, and made sure to drop subtle hints here and there. Donghyuck was conflicted. He lost his feelings, but for some reason every time he’d catch Mark staring at him with heart eyes he’d feel his chest ache, and then a million thoughts would flood his mind, and he’d feel suffocated. Why was he so affected?

Maybe it’s because he remembers the pain he felt when Mark just stared at him for 8 seconds straight after he gathered his courage and told him he loved him. He tries to act normal around Mark, but the barrier between them was so clear, especially when Resonance era came. He honestly felt like a ticking time bomb. He felt like he could explode at any minute. But of course, he had to hide all that. It was just so hard when Mark’s the one smiling at him, looking at him in this endearing way. It made him want to cry.

It was the day before 90’s love MV filming when he bravely marched into Mark’s room again. “Hyung,” he starts, and his voice was already shaking. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Mark just sat there again.

“Please  _ say _ something.” Hyuck felt his eyes water and his hands ball into fists. He nails were digging into his skin but the pain was nothing compared to the stinging in his chest. He was ready to fight Mark then and there. “Tell me.”

“Donghyuck,” Mark muttered under his breath. He gets up and slowly makes his way to Hyuck, looking at him in the eye. The endearing look he always had was replaced with worry and concern. _ "Donghyuck _ ..” He repeats, much softer. Donghyuck was going to cry.. he wanted to. He wanted Mark to see what he was doing to him. “You’re so fucking confusing..” Hyuck says, feeling so defeated. He just missed him. He misses him so much. “I just don’t understand..” He sobbed.

Mark pulled him into a hug and held him tight like he would fall apart at any moment. Hyuck was so strong, yet so fragile, and Mark felt  _ so _ guilty. “I’m sorry..” 

Donghyuck thought twice before wrapping his arms around Mark, crying into his shoulder. He doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to regret anything again. He didn’t want to ask Mark if he felt the same way now. He just wanted his best friend back, but he doesn’t know what to do. Donghyuck feels like he’s gonna throw up. It’s certain that his feelings have returned, but he doesn’t want to hope anymore. He couldn’t. Not when he was back in Mark’s arms.

“Donghyuckie,” Mark spoke softly, looking down at him. “I’m really sorry.. I should have said something.. I was just afraid. I was surprised. But now I..”

Donghyuck steps back and wipes his tears, “It’s okay.” He smiles at Mark. “It’s okay.” He repeats as if he was reassuring himself. Mark nods and smiles back at him, _ "Okay." _

Hyuck was already satisfied with that. It wasn’t the closure he had hoped for, but it somehow made him feel better. Maybe he was just waiting for Mark’s apology all this time. It was so frustrating for Mark though, because he was about to tell him how he really felt, but if Hyuck was okay with them being just the way they are now, then he’s okay too. _ This is okay. _

The next day for the MV filming, Mark struggled with keeping his balance on ice, but Hyuck was there to help him. He was always there now that he thinks about it.

Well, he was there for everyone. That’s why everyone adored him. The way Mark viewed Donghyuck changed. And it made him fall harder. He truly was precious, so seeing everyone getting attached to him was no big surprise. Mark thought it was because Hyuck treated them all the same way, and that was also the reason why Mark never figured out himself that Hyuck liked him. He thought Hyuck was just caring, and bubbly, and affectionate with everyone.

But then he watched their 2nd vlive together and noticed how quiet and gentle Donghyuck was. As if Mark hasn’t been there with him for almost his entire life. He noticed how he was so..  _ soft _ , and shy.

Mark figured that on cam and around most members, his best friend was  _ Haechan. _ But with Mark.. he was just _ Donghyuck. _ Most importantly, he was Mark’s Donghyuck. That’s what made Mark special to him. And Mark always knew that Hyuck was special to him as well..

But it was too late.

And now he could only watch Donghyuck from afar with those eyes filled with love but also regret. He could only imagine what would have happened if he confessed to him as well years ago. He could only hope that Donghyuck would stop running away and tell him that he loved him one more time.

Mark doesn’t wanna risk trying to confess again, not when things are already slightly better. Not when he sees how Donghyuck has matured.. how he has changed. He started becoming the Donghyuck he knew around everyone. He wasn’t just his anymore.  _ Mark wasn’t special to him anymore. _ He feels like he’s been replaced.

Hyuck was softer. _ So soft. _ Mark wanted to hug him. 

But he couldn’t. He could only watch right now as Jeno and Renjun were laughing with Hyuck, talking about their plans after practice. Mark wishes he could join them, but he sees how Donghyuck is so much happier now without him by his side. It was bittersweet, but it was probably better this way. Even if they don’t hang out or talk to each other as much anymore.

However, Mark doesn’t want to think that the barrier between them was permanent. Mocking him as he tries his best to break it down. Trying again and again even if he fails over, and over, _ and over _ . He really couldn’t do anything about it. So for now.. he has to endure and deal with the fact that Donghyuck is just trying to keep his distance. Especially right now where Hyuck is immediately grabbing his things, ready to spend the rest of his day with Jeno and Renjun. “Hyuck! Come on!”

Mark makes eye contact, and Donghyuck stares back at him like he didn’t know who he was. His heart shatters, but he knows he can pick up the pieces on his own. 

He’ll be fine.

He was fine when Donghyuck coldly looked at him.

And he was fine even when Donghyuck turned away.


End file.
